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January 11th, 2010
08:15 pm - Relationship?
Oh! Besides the drama of my lack of identity.
I'm dating someone.
Which is CRAZY, hahaha.
I typically don't date.
He's a social shock for sure.
He's relatively badass.
He's sexy to me.
He treats me well, and what little flaws there are in that area are currently in the process of being fixed.
Can I say something extremely cheesy?
Bad Romance by Lady GaGa is kinda what he is to me.
No making fun :)
And i'm pretty into him.
Kinda cool.
I've never been in love.
Never been close to falling in love.
But you know, that may happen with this kid.
Just may.
May not.
We shall see.
I hope it does.
Love would be amazing to experience.
But if it doesn't work . .
everything happens for a reason.
I'm not worried about it.
And he defintely turns me on.
A good bit.
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08:04 pm - Hmmm.
Hmmm.
I wish I was sure of myself.
I wish I knew what was up, and what was down.
I am so confused.
I think everyone is, they're either too ignorant to realize it - or they simply don't announce their confusion to the world.
I'm an open book for everyone, and it causes some issues for myself.
Maybe I need to quiet down, like everyone says.
Disappear for a bit.
That's what I want to do.
But I don't know if I can.
I keep talking and talking and living and living.
I feel like I'm all over the place.
I feel like an absolute hot mess.
Current Mood:  blank
Current Music: none
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November 27th, 2009
03:12 pm - The Past
Wow, I just read that last entry.
Can we say - - EMBARRASING! Hhhaha.
It's funny how much I change, I honestly have no idea who the hell I am.
It's okay though, fofr once I'm completely okay with not knowing everything.
No one knows everything - it's okay to just live day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment.
And what's the point of regretting your past? There really is no point - it's cliche but it made you happy at that time.
It's really nice to be realizing all of this, it really is.
I'm finally becoming my own person, and accepting everything for what it is.
It is such a relief, such a huge burden off my shoulders.
This is honestly the first time in my life when I can listen to someone's opinion, take it in, apprieciate it, yet it doesn't sway me.
I am starting to have my own beliefs, and for once I'm not striving to be like that volleyball player, teacher, girl who sits next to me, friend, sister, mother, neighbor - I'm striving to be cassie.
There is no one in this entire world who I'd rather be.
Current Location: kitchen
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: family watching jurassic park
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October 1st, 2009
04:57 pm - Sophomore Year.
Okayyyy, so here's the deal.
I LOVE TO PARTY! Is there a problem with that?
LIke, it's gonna get bad I bet.
And I don't care!
It is soooooooooo fun to get drunk.
And hook up with guys :D - - - - - - - - I'm not a slut. I don't have sex or anything . . .
but making out with guys is just like yeassssss!
I love it !!
I guess this is just the year that i've discovered this.
Blahhhh, it's fun !
Hhahahahaha, PARTY.
Wish I could everyday.
Current Mood:  good
Current Music: you'll find a way - - santigold
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August 7th, 2009
08:50 pm - control . . . .
why do i feel so fat.
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August 5th, 2009
09:19 pm - comfort food.
i got off my lazy over-eating ass today and worked out.
it felt really good - - i also haven't eaten ridiculous amounts.
but right now, i am craving a piece of chocolate cake more than anything in the entire world!
gawwwwwdd, i hate food.
i wish it didn't exist, or being overweight is what people strived for.
it's so frusterating! - - - i just wanna eat, eat, eat all the time.
oh well, it's most likely because i'm not super busy.
jeezzz - 20 pounds to go.
blahhhhh.
or at least get toned, idk.
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: sufjan stevens
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August 4th, 2009
03:45 pm - not that bad . .
so, camping actually wasn't that bad.
i actually appreciate things a bit better now.
like my bed - you honestly should just take a second to understand how awful a wet tent is, and how amazing a warm bed is. hhaha! :D
but, i'm getting better at not procrastinating which puts me in an overall better mood.
i finished summer reading and everything :D
i have my moments, but things are pretty good now.
Current Mood: blank
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July 30th, 2009
12:35 am - better now.
i feel a lot better now (=
i'm gonna go to bed, and know i always have me - always.
and that me loves me, hahah.
and i found the chords to cardigan weather, which is excting.
damn, i'm so much cooler then people realize.
ahhh, i'm crazy!
legit.
good thing
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July 29th, 2009
11:29 pm - actually.
i just realized that it doesn't matter that no one reads this.
this is for me, and maybe someone along the way will read it.
but maybe not.
i shouldn't depend on other people to make me feel important.
as sad as it sounds . . haha.
i truely don't - i have me and no one in this entire world is like me.
and no one understand me like i do.
and no one can listen to me like i do.
and no one can hang out with me like i do.
and no one can be happy with me like i am.
and no one can listen to me like i do.
and no one can love me like i do.
as psycho as it sounds, it's true.
i'm happy with just me.
if anyone else comes, maybe it could work.
but for now - i'm completely completely happy with just me.
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: sufjan stevens
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11:00 pm - an online journal that's more private than the one under my bed.
ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. why do i always want attention? normal people can have a bad day, and that's it. but i have a bad day, declare it's depression and expect everyone to come and ask me if i need a hug. please excuse me being so overdramtic but . . .
- i hate texting - i just check that fucking phone to verify that no one wants to talk to me.
- same with facebook, myspace, youtube, and now this - no one wants to talk to me. no one thinks i'm slightly interesting.
- i'm really good a self-pity, but whatever. that's what i want right now.
- for a second i freaked because i don't want anyone reading this that i know but then i remembered, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!
- even your mom doesn't want to listen to you.
- i'd cut myself if i had the guts. ... literally. haha.
why do i feel so small? it's so cliche, but i honestly feel invisible.
i think that just isolating myself from the social world would be a good idea.
i would probably be a lot happier.
and fuck hard to get, no one likes me anyway.
well, no one that i like, likes me.
which is so hypocritical - but i don't give a fuck.
well, i'm officially pitiful.
i just wrote an online blog no one is going to read, and know it.
i guess i'll go to sleep - no thinking.
oh, and i'm going camping tomorrow with my family.
that sucks . . . maybe i can bond with mom?
ohhhh, wait! she's way too into herself for that to happen.
shit.
Current Mood:  depressed
Current Music: meg & dia
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